A big decision . . .

It has been a crazy month at your home. After years of thinking about adoption, we decided to finally do the work to make it a reality. We have decided to adopt a little girl from Haiti. We have a particular little girl in mind, though there are no guarantee's that she will be ours. So here's how the big decision to adopt came to be . . . This past summer, our friends and neighbors brought home three siblings that they adopted from Haiti. The process took three years of waiting, and eventually, taking over the financial responsibility of an orphanage to make it happen, but they brought home three great kids, who also happen to be friends with my kids. Anyhow, my church calling is/was the formerly called Enrichment Leader, now known as the Relief Society Meeting Coordinator. For our January activity, our theme was "Service Warms the Heart: Service at home, in the community, and in the world." I asked three women to help out, one of which is my neighbor. I wanted her to discuss how she was inspired to "open her heart to service." She is very passionate about helping kids, whether in foster care or in Haiti, and I really respect and admire her. She gave a presentation, complete with pictures. Here are a few of the things that pushed me from thinking about adoption for years, to deciding to make it a reality. 1) She said it was a leap of faith. She didn't know how it would work out, she just had faith that she could take what came. 2) She said she wasn't perfect--she just does the best she can. 3) She showed many pictures, but one, I'll call her Evangaline for today (since I watched The Princess and the Frog this morning and I've been told that for the safety of the children in the orphanage, its better not to share pictures or names until she's ours), and I fell in love. After her presentation, I asked to look at the pictures of the children. I could not sleep that night, thinking about her little face and feeling compelled to make this a reality for our family. The next morning I asked my friend to text me her picture, and I sent it on to Pete. Pete responded, "Do you want to adopt her?" To which I replied, "yes, can we?" A little background. For the last 8 years or so, adoption has been a something that I've really wanted to do. I have wanted to adopt a little girl. The timing was not right for Peter until now. Why now? Well, he feels more stable in his career and financially. Our home is done with crazy remodeling projects. Our kids are wonderful, well adjusted, happy and successful at school and in other endeavors. We are getting older, and we both feel that now is the time, or we'll let the opportunity pass. Peter asked for three things before we went ahead with the emotional and financial commitment of beginning the adoption process. He wanted to speak with our neighbors about their experience; his partner and his wife from work about their experience adopting a little boy from China; and to go to the Temple after thoughtful prayer and consideration. I definitely felt and feel that this is something we both have to be on the same page about, so I wanted to be sure he felt comfortable moving forward. I also wanted to move forward more quickly. Once I've made up my mind about something, I see no reason to wait. Anyhow, we made time in our schedules that next week to meet and speak with our friends and to take time to attend the temple. We both felt that we have so much we are blessed with, and that we would love to add another child to our home. How could we not help? I felt strongly that this would be a good thing to strengthen our family. That it would bring us closer together and help us to be better people. In the process, we hope to help this beautiful little child come into a loving home with opportunities to be educated, develop talents, travel, or whatever her potential and talents take her. Our three younger children, without hesitation, were on board with adopting a child. Our oldest son was more hesitant, but partly because his personality is one that doesn't really relish change. Believe me, I know, since I love change and constantly change the furniture and entire rooms around. When we travel, he has the most difficulty with us being gone. Not that he doesn't do well, he just likes things the way they are. I can appreciate that, but I also have great confidence that he will be an incredible big brother to her when she does finally come into our home. He just needs time to think things through and get used to the adjustment. We are now a month into the process and the only thing we have to complete, after many long lists of things to do, is to have the social worker finish a home study. Once we have that, we send an application to the United States to be approved, and many more documents to Haiti for their approval. Here's the worst part. Once all of that paperwork is turned in (which I am hopeful will be complete in the next week), we have to wait for a long, long time to actually bring our child home. The adoption agency told us to expect a year wait to receive a referral, meaning that Haiti has approved our request for our little girl or another child of similar age, and then another year after that until she is able to come to live with us. Right now, I am trying to focus on getting paper work done, so the wait doesn't seem so impossible. I also tell myself, if I could have biological children, it would take at least 9 months, but at my age, probably more like a year or so. That helps me logically deal with the time period we have to wait, but in the back of my mind, I hope and pray that the process happens more quickly and we don't have to wait that long. All of the information and education we are required to read, talks about the longer children live in an institution, the more delayed they are developmentally. This little girl we've fallen in love with turned 2 on Dec. 20, 2011 (if that information is reliable) and was dropped off at the orphanage this past August. She has only been in the orphanage for 6 months. We are trying to find out what her situation is, but most likely her parents were either too poor to care for her any longer or she was the child of a young mother who tried to care for her, but wasn't mature enough or financially stable enough to continue to do so. It breaks my heart to think of a mother abandoning her child like that, but the more I learn about Haiti, I can see why it happens. 70% of adults are unemployed in Haiti. Haiti is the poorest nation in the western hemisphere with no sewer system and a mess after a horrific earthquake in 2010. The top soil of the land is so depleted, that families that rely on agriculture for their income, have very little natural resources to rely upon. One of the questions asked was if you could be positive about the heritage of your adopted child and forgive a mother for abandoning her child. Poverty does unbelievable things to people. Learning to survive in those circumstances would be so difficult. I can see how a parent who has nothing, might see an orphanage as a way to feed and provide shelter for a child. My heart breaks for these poor families. I also feel so blessed to have the life that I do. I think that we have a lot to offer a little one; love, shelter, opportunities, family, education, a warm comfortable home, culture and travel adventures, and a beautiful place to live. I have so much in mind and my heart right now. It's impossible to fully describe how this experience is changing me, hopefully for the better. I do have some worries. Am I too old with too little energy to take on another child? Though I know that we will love this little girl with all our hearts and souls, will she feel different as the only adopted child in our family? We are approved to adopt two children and I am very open to that, though I want to be sure that I have the time and energy needed to help with adjust to a new language, culture, family, environment, and two does seem more intimidating that bring one child into our home. But would it be better to adopt two children who have a similar background and will have a sibling they can relate to in that manner? These are questions I ask myself, but also that I have a desire to tackle. I know that it won't be easy, but so worthwhile. When I think how I would like to devote my time, I do get excited about my tennis league or the possibility of one day writing a book. It crossed my mind to apply to the Pottery Barn or Pier One for a part time job. Of all those options, nothing makes me as happy and refilled as the opportunity to raise another child or two. I still get a little teary eyed when I go to the grocery store by myself and see mother's with younger children and realize that I am past that stage of life. I relish having little ones in our home again, and I hope that they can forgive that we'll be old white people when she/they graduate from high school. I am sure other insecurities may arise as we wait, but I am committed to this process and to raising an adopted child. I so look forward to the time when she/they will arrive in our home and become part of our family. Enough for now.